wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I puked a lego.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
