Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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