first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
