I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
