Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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