pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
