as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
