Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
