I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
