when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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