If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
