This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
