So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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