I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I believe in your delicious
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
