dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
is that a dick in a sweater?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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