I think my fart just growled at me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
