soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
