What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
