dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
