420 ftw
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
