Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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