No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
