Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
