Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize