Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
