Four minutes until I can fart!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
