Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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