I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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