If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
