she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
