Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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