Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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