You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i out mim tonsoeep
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