moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
