so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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