i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
