it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you traded sex for a burrito?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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