I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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