omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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