I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
