We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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