i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize