is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
