Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
