If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
