I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
