**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
