i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
