May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
