my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
