at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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