my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
