I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
