left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
