Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
