apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
