I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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