K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
