look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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