You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
