Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
