how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
