I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
