Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I am available for nakedness
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
