I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
