I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
