You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize