So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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