So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
