Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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