she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
