Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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