I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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