Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
