Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
