News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
