STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize